If you want to know more about the other types and find out what type you are, visit The Enneagram Institute

Chi Kim's Enneagram Test Result on January 17, 2003
Basic: Type 2: THE HELPER
Wing: Type 3, THE ACHIEVER

Type 1, The Reformer

10

Type 2, The Helper

21

Type 3, The Achiever

19

Type 4, The Individualist

12

Type 5, The Investigator

15

Type 6, The Loyalist

19

Type 7, The Enthusiast

14

Type 8, The Challenger

6

Type 9, The Peacemaker

19

The Caring, Interpersonal Type:
Generous, Demonstrative, People-Pleasing, and Possessive
(The Histrionic Personality Disorder and Factitious Disorder)

Basic Fear: Of being unwanted, unworthy of being loved
Basic Desire: To feel loved
Enneagram Two with a One-Wing: "Servant"
Enneagram Two with a Three-Wing: "The Host/Hostess"

Profile Summary for the Enneagram Type Two

Average: Want to be closer to others, so start "people pleasing", becoming overly friendly, emotionally demonstrative, and full of "good intentions" about everything. Give seductive attention: approval, "strokes," flattery. Love their supreme value, and they talk about it constantly. / Become overly intimate and intrusive: they need to be needed, so they hover, meddle, and control in the name of love. Want others to depend on them: give, but expect a return: send double messages. Enveloping and possessive: the codependent, self-sacrificial person who cannot do enough for others — wearing themselves out for everyone, creating needs for themselves to fulfill. / Increasingly self-important and self-satisfied, feel they are indispensable, although they overrate their efforts in others' behalf. Hypochondria, becoming a "martyr" for others. Overbearing, patronizing, presumptuous.

Unhealthy: Can be manipulative and self-serving, instilling guilt by telling others how much they owe them and make them suffer. Abuse food and medication to "stuff feelings" and get sympathy. Undermine people, making belittling, disparaging remarks. Extremely self-deceptive about their motives and how aggressive and/or selfish their behavior is. / Domineering and coercive: feel entitled to get anything they want from others: the repayment of old debts, money, sexual favors. / Able to excuse and rationalize what they do since they feel abused and victimized by others and are bitterly resentful and angry. Somatization of their aggressions result in chronic health problems as they vindicate themselves by "falling apart" and burdening others.

Key Motivations: Want to be loved, to express their feelings for others, to be needed and appreciated, to get others to respond to them, to vindicate their claims about themselves.

Business Characteristics

The Mentor - The helpful, interpersonal type. Generous, appreciative, people-pleasing, and possessive. Twos are sensitive to the needs of others and seek to be of service. They appreciate the talents of others and act as confidants and guides, good at networking people and services. Warm and personable, they are often highly effective at sales and recruiting. However, they typically have trouble saying no to requests and tend to become stressed by trying to help others too much. They dislike impersonal rules and work situations and can deteriorate into favoritism and time-wasting personal over-involvements. At their best, they are empathetic and generous and give themselves for the common good without undue need for recognition.

The Type Two's "Wake-Up Call" and Movement toward Liberation

Awareness of believing that they must go out to others to "win them over"—so that they can rise to unconditional love of self and others, irrespective of others reactions to us.

What Parents Expect from Their Children

Generosity, thoughtfulness, helpfulness, attention to others—to be a Little Helper

Adiction

Abusing food and over-the-counter medications. Bingeing, especially on sweets and carbohydrates. Over-eating from feeling "love-starved." Hypochondria to look for sympathy.

What type two Looks for in a Relationship

Emotional connection, intimacy, warmth, affection.

What gets in the way

Insisting on exclusivity and more closeness. Manipulates by finding out others’ needs and desires—and by creating secret dependencies.

Examples: Mother Teresa, Barbara Bush, Eleanor Roosevelt, Leo Buscaglia, Monica Lewinsky, Bill Cosby, Barry Manilow, Lionel Ritchie, Kenny G., Luciano Pavarotti, Lillian Carter, Sammy Davis, Jr., Martin Sheen, Robert Fulghum, Alan Alda, Richard Thomas, Jack Paar, Sally Jessy Raphael, Bishop Desmond Tutu, Ann Landers, "Melanie Hamilton" (Gone With the Wind). and "Dr. McCoy" (Star Trek).

Generally, Twos are caring, empathetic, warm, thoughtful, appreciative, generous, other-oriented, affectionate, well-intentioned, and demonstrative.

Twos get into conflicts by being people-pleasing, flattering, clingy, worried, seductive, possessive, insincere, self-important, and self-deceptive.

At their best, Twos are encouraging, loving, self-nurturing, constant, joyous, humble, forgiving, gracious, and compassionate.

Recognizing Twos
Type Two exemplifies the desire to feel loved, to connect with others in a heartfelt way, and to be a source of benevolence and love in our world. Twos are easily the most people-oriented of the Enneagram types. They focus on relationship, and feel best about themselves when they are meaningfully engaged with others. They want to share the good in their lives, and genuinely enjoy supporting others with their attention and care. Insofar as they can, Twos make good things happen for people. They will stay up late to take care of children or older folks, drive across town to bring food, or see to it that others get medical treatment. When there is practical work to be done for others, healthy Twos will be there, throwing themselves into the effort heart and soul.

Twos are genuinely interested in other people and in the details of their lives. They remember to send birthday and holiday cards long after their friends have moved away. They also remember your spouse's name and the names of your children and pets—plus who has which allergies and what their major was in college. Twos are the first in the kitchen after a party to help out with the clean up. At the office, Twos have a bowl of candy or a tin of cookies at their desk—not for themselves, but for everyone who drops by to chat. They are constantly thinking of others, and they try to do nice things so that others will think highly of them.

Twos get into difficulty, however, when they begin to attend to others' needs without adequately dealing with their own. They can get into denial about the extent of their own needs while insisting that their only concern is taking care of others. At such times, Twos may develop "boundary problems." They both disregard their own boundaries, doing things for others that take them away form what they need to do for their own lives, and disregard the boundaries of others, doing things for them that they do not necessarily want. When others feel crowded by the Twos' efforts to help, and try to set boundaries with them, Twos can become insecure about their relationships and feel rejected.

When Twos doubt that others want them, they redouble their efforts to win people over. They get caught up with "people pleasing," looking for things to do and say that will make people like them, and ingratiating themselves with others. "Relating" with people becomes a full time job: they are constantly making new friends while maintaining a network of old friends. Talking about "the relationship" with people becomes a habit, as Twos continually seek reassurance that their friendships and love lives are secure and on track. They begin to seek ways to make themselves more interesting and useful to others. Thus, they may pursue such interests as massage, psychic readings, energetic healing, nutrition, and other ways of being of service as a way of making people feel good about themselves—and about having the Two in their life. They want to have a unique place in others' lives, and to know privileged information about others that no one else knows. They want others to regard them as their "best friend" and to seek them out for personal advice and to share special secrets and intimacies. They may begin to wear themselves out for others, giving unwanted advice and assistance, and becoming "martyrs" to get attention and affection. When Twos go too far with this behavior, however, it ironically has the opposite effect on people—driving them away rather than creating stronger relationships.

In brief, Twos want to feel loved, to have intimacy, to express their feelings for others, to be needed and appreciated, to be close to valued friends and family, to "rescue" potential friends and partners, to get others to respond to them, to get and hold onto the love they want. Twos do not want to be out of touch with loved ones, to be in impersonal settings, to be left out of social situations, to be in situations where there is nothing for them to give.

Their Hidden Side
Although on the surface, Twos appear to feel at ease with others and to be a source of emotional sustenance for the people in their lives, they also suffer from well-hidden feelings of rejection. Twos expect people to not want them around, and often feel that they need to be extraordinarily kind and supportive to get people to accept them. They usually try to conceal the depths of their loneliness or hurt beneath an image of concern for others, as if focusing on others' needs might help them feel better. Sometimes it does, but just as often Twos may feel that others are not appreciating them for their efforts, thus rekindling their feelings of rejection. Then they may become touchy or even openly angry, revealing the extent of the disappointment they are hiding.

Relationship Issues
Twos are the Enneagram type most focused on relationships: people are where Twos focus their energies. They are generous with their time and attention and really want their loved ones to be happy and well-cared for. Problems develop, however, when Twos go overboard with their efforts to be close to their loved ones, often in the following areas:

• Trying too hard to please the other—selling themselves out for affection and appreciation.
• Hovering around and not giving the other adequate space (usually caused by fears of imminent abandonment)
• Expecting "mind reading" from the partner and being disappointed when they fail to anticipate the Two's desires or needs.
• Becoming possessive of the partner and jealous of his or her spending time with others.
• Not acknowledging personal hurts, needs, and anger until they are becoming damaging to the relationship.

The Passion: Pride
Twos believe that they will only be loved if they are completely available to attend to the needs of others. To the extent that they succumb to this belief, they fear that others will reject them if they have needs or emotional hurts of their own. When Twos find themselves unable to acknowledge the extent of their emotional needs and desires, they have fallen into the passion of pride. From this position, they feel duty-bound to care for others while denying that they have any significant problems themselves. But of course, under the surface, Twos really do have many problems and longings. Unfortunately, the more Twos deny their real emotional condition, the more they express themselves to others with covert aggression, ulterior motives, and hidden neediness. This often leads to behaviors that unintentionally drive other people away.

At Their Best
Healthy Twos are sincere and warm-hearted, with immense good will and enormous generosity of spirit. They have an extraordinary ability to feel the feelings and needs of others. And because they are so empathetic, healthy Twos know others' sorrows and this motivates them to go out of their way to help and support people, especially in times of need. They put a charitable interpretation on the behavior of others, emphasizing the good in others whenever they find it. But healthy Twos are able to maintain this generous approach to life because they are acknowledging their own needs, and more importantly, addressing them.

Healthy Twos are not waiting around for a loving response from people in order to feel lovable. They recognize their true strengths and limitations and accept them—extending the support and love to themselves that they would easily offer to others. Thus, they are also able to accept others for who they are and relate to them on their own level, whether the person is the president of a corporation, the mailman, or a delivery boy. Twos see the dignity and the humanity of others and respond to that. They also foster independence in others, nurturing self-confidence, strength, and new skills so that people can grow on their own. They really want others to thrive, and do not want anyone to be dependent on them, physically or psychologically. They are sincerely encouraging, and are extremely appreciative of the talents and strengths they find everywhere. Healthy Twos let people know the good they see in them, a quality that is particularly helpful to those who may not see much good in themselves.

Under Stress (Two goes to average Eight)
If Twos feel that their overtures of friendliness are continually thwarted, they may reach a point of stress in which they begin to openly express their anger in the manner of average to unhealthy Eights. They simply cannot maintain their "loving attitude" any longer, and their repressed frustration and feelings of rejection boil to the surface. More lightly, this can be a sudden shift to blunt, direct self-expression, but under greater stress, can be expressed in outbursts of temper, aggressive confrontation, and threats of withdrawing support.

Security (Two goes to average Four)
With trusted others, or in situations in which Twos feel sure of themselves, they may risk expressing their neediness and darker feelings. They can become moody, self-absorbed, and temperamental, revealing to intimates the true depth and extent of their emotional needs and self-doubts. At such times, they can be extremely touchy—easily hurt by statements that others would see as harmless or even positive. They may also become more self-indulgent, giving themselves "goodies" that are not very good for them as a way of compensating for all of the sacrifices they feel they have been making for others.

Integration (Two goes to healthy Four)
As Twos become more aware of denying their needs and more difficult feelings, they begin to accept themselves more completely—not rejecting any aspect of themselves. Even their feelings of anger or hatred can be held compassionately rather than suppressed or acted out. Gradually and naturally, they become more creative, expressive, authentic, and sensitive to themselves and others. This gives them the ability to see themselves more objectively—that is, with love and balance. Thus, they are able to support others from a fullness of presence and can have greater intimacy with them because they are intimate with themselves.

Self-Preservation Two: Entitlement (Ichazo's "Me First")
Twos deal with their own self-preservation needs by first taking care of others' self-preservation needs. They feel that they will win others' love by providing them with nurturing and caretaking. They derive a great deal of satisfaction from feeling of service to others or to causes. They are able to anticipate people's needs and then try to fulfill them. ("You look hungry.") Of course, after taking care of others for a while, Self-Preservation Twos begin to expect that others will reciprocate and take care of their needs. But because they are Twos, they feel that they cannot ask for what they need directly. They must drop hints and continue to take care of the other person with the hope that he or she will eventually respond with care for the Two. Over time, this gives Self-Pres Twos a feeling of entitlement. ("After all I've done for them, I deserve this treat.") The problem is that Self Preservation Twos feel ashamed of having physical needs. Thus, when others fail to reciprocate in the way that Twos hope, they may privately over-indulge in self-preservation "goodies"—comfort foods, sweets, drink, and prescription medicines are frequent choices. They keep hidden stashes of their favorite indulgences as a way of compensating for feelings of loneliness and rejection. Unfortunately, the rewards that Self Preservation Twos give themselves are often bad for them, ironically endangering their health and well being.

Sexual Two: Craving Intimacy (Ichazo's "Aggression")
Sexual Twos feel that they will feel loved by attaining complete, profound intimacy with someone. Thus they are driven to be as close to their loved ones as possible. They attempt to win a place with people by focusing intensely on the other's needs, hopes, and interests. They enjoy the process of learning about potential partners and make it their business to become acquainted with his or her world. It is as if the sexual Two was seeking to get "in synch" with the other in as many different ways as possible. Similarly, the sexual Two will enjoy finding out what the other likes and providing it, whether it is a favorite food, a cologne, a style of music, or a favorite place for vacationing. Needless to say, they will then do their best to provide these things for their intimates. Most people love to be the center of attention, and Sexual Twos know this, lavishing the other with attention, affection, and praise. In this sense, they are seductive—getting others interested in spending time with them by making the other their object of adoration. Sexual Twos are also like to touch and be touched by the people that they feel drawn to, often initiating physical contact in a relationship—even in a friendship. When less balanced, Sexual Twos can become obsessed with a lover, and have great difficulty letting go of a relationship.

Social Two: Everybody's Friend (Ichazo's "Ambition")
Social Twos feel loved by having an important place in the lives of their friends, family, and colleagues. They often become advisors, mentors, matchmakers, and social event coordinators for many people in their lives. They enjoy introducing people to one another and generally act as the "social hub" of whatever they are involved with. They derive great satisfaction from giving advice to trusted friends and often initiate new relationships by offering some kind of service or council. Social Twos have a real "radar" for people in need of a sympathetic audience, and may appear with a smile and some kind words. They especially like to give council to people they see as important. While the pride of the Two does not allow them to have social ambitions of success and fame for themselves, they often achieve these things indirectly by becoming "the power behind the throne." Thus, they are able to rise socially by attaching themselves as advisors and primary supports to someone who is successful in some way. Social Twos tend to be outgoing and high-spirited, often resembling Sevens, and get energy from their interactions with their friends. Indeed, Social Twos like to think of their colleagues and acquaintances as friends, and their friends as family. They usually know the names of all of the people in the local service industries: local shopkeepers, the mailman, the waiters and bartenders at their favorite restaurants and bars, and so forth. Social Twos fear being left out of social events and gatherings, so they try to make themselves indispensable to whatever groups they are involved with. When less balanced, Social Twos can scatter themselves in a large number of social commitments—being there for many people, but often causing primary relationships to suffer.

Twos grow by recognizing that caring for themselves and caring for others is not an either/or proposition. They can only care for others effectively when they are also caring for themselves and recognizing their own needs. Further, they come to understand that they can only achieve real love and intimacy with others if they truly have love and intimacy with themselves. For Twos, this means acknowledging their real feelings, even if they are not pretty or pleasant, and expressing their needs as they arise. It also entails recognizing when they are tired, lonely, or overextended. By paying attention to their own feelings and inner states, Twos naturally grow into a balance between taking care of themselves and their natural inclination to help others. Once grounded and clear about their motives, they are able to abide in the fullness of their hearts and to share this with others.

Personal Growth Recommendations
for Enneagram Type Twos

• First and foremost, remember that if you are not addressing your own needs, it is highly unlikely that you will be able to meet anyone else's needs without problems, underlying resentments, and continual frustration. Further, you will be less able to respond to people in a balanced way if you have not gotten adequate rest, and taken care of yourself properly. It is not selfish to make sure that you are okay before attending to others' needs—it is simply common sense.



• Try to become more conscious of your own motives when you decide to help someone. While doing good things for people is certainly an admirable trait, when you do so because you expect the other person to appreciate you or do something nice for you in return, you are setting yourself up for disappointments. Your type has a real danger of falling into unconscious codependent patterns with loved ones, and they almost never bring you what you really want.



• While there are many things you might want to do for people, it is often better to ask them what they really need first. You are gifted at accurately intuiting others' feelings and needs, but that does not necessarily mean that they want those needs remedied by you in the way you have in mind. Communicate your intentions, and be willing to accept a "no thank you." Someone deciding that they do not want your particular offer of help does not mean that they dislike you or are rejecting you.



• Resist the temptation to call attention to yourself and your good works. After you have done something for others, do not remind them about it. Let it be: either they will remember your kindness themselves and thank you in their own way or they will not. Your calling attention to what you have done for them only puts people on the spot and makes them feel uneasy. It will not satisfy anyone or improve your relationships.



• Do not always be "doing" for people and above all do not try to get people to love you by giving them either gifts or undeserved praise. On the other hand, do not pointedly withdraw your service when others do not respond to you as you would like. Do not make what you do for others depend on how they respond to you. Help others when they ask for it, especially helping them to become more capable of functioning on their own.

Enneagram Type One (the Reformer)
with
Enneagram Type Two (the Helper)

What Each Type Brings to the Relationship
Enneagram Ones and Twos are a complementary couple since both offer the other the example of their own qualities. Both types are highly dutiful and are attracted to service roles and occupations: both may be teachers, ministers, or health care workers who have long hours and many responsibilities. One and Two couples are often professionals whose work takes them out of the house and requires the focus of their attention to be on the needs of others, not on the relationship itself or even on themselves personally. People in this kind of relationship are often unusually mature and independent and able to obtain their emotional needs from a variety of people and connections, including their professional ones. They bring high ideals, strong ethical standards, and the desire to serve others to the relationship itself, keeping the relationship strong and in touch with solid values and practical perspectives.

The relationship is built around shared values: both are on a path of some kind together. Twos bring the nurturing and feelings that Ones do not easily allow themselves: they help Ones soften and relax. On the other hand, Ones bring integrity, conscientiousness, responsibility, and consistency. They are steady, reliable, and truthful. Ones commit strongly which makes the Two feel secure and that they won't be abandoned. Further, Twos bring warmth, a concern with people and a willingness to make exceptions to the rule for individuals in need. They are aware of suffering and work hard and generously to alleviate it wherever they can. Twos are more convivial and welcoming than Ones and can warm up the One's more typically reserved exterior—which most Ones are glad to have happen.

On the other hand, Twos can see Ones as too impersonal and unconcerned with others, not sympathetic or charitable enough. They can begin to be disappointed in the reality of the One's idealism, thinking that Ones may love humanity but have little real compassion for real people. Ones can be uncomfortable with the Two's effusiveness and need for contact; Twos can be uncomfortable with the One's sarcasm and irritability. Both will simmer with anger that will slowly but inexorably, lead to escalating arguments. Both can begin to become condemnatory and critical of the other as the relationship drifts apart.

Enneagram Type Two (the Helper)
with
Enneagram Type Two (the Helper)

What Each Type Brings to the Relationship
As with all double-type relationships, two Enneagram Twos bring many of the same qualities to each other. Therein lies both a main source of the attraction as well as one of the main pitfalls of this pair. Healthy Two couples bring a high level of warmth, affection, and sensitivity to each other. They are genuinely concerned about the welfare of their partner and of the relationship itself, and they are willing and able to put out a considerable amount of energy to make sure that all is well. A double Two pair has a high level of communication and checking in between them: two Twos would have no problem discussing how they feel, inquiring about the other's health, about how things are going at work, and so forth. They would also be delighted to help support the efforts of their partner in whatever ways they could. Both individually and as a couple, they are thoughtful, observant of people's needs, generous and respectful of boundaries and the need of others to be independent and to learn things on their own. Healthy Two couples can express enormous affection for others, while at the same time, letting them go appropriately. They also can find a balance between themselves as a couple and each of them as an individual.

Interestingly, since neither is used to being nurtured by someone else, they generally need to learn to allow themselves to be loved and helped by the other. If each of the Twos can take in the support of the other, the relationship can become a source of deep love and abundance from which they are able to more fully move out into the world. They feel secure and are loyal to each other, knowing that their partner is their for them. At their best, this is a loving, warm-hearted couple that uses the security of their relationship to raise a family, adopt children, and make the world a richer, more loving place. They reach out to others and build a family of choice, a home that others truly want to be a part of.

Some Twos will attempt to solve this problem by going in the opposite direction by beginning not to care about what they look like. They may not exercise and gain excessive weight, for example, or not dress or groom themselves sufficiently. A double Two may begin to find their emotional consolations elsewhere, seeking intimacy with others or, if that is not possible, with food. If this continues, they may gradually lose all physical interest in each other and the relationship would suffer from loss of contact and physical intimacy. If health issues subsequently become a problem (due to overeating as a compensation for emotional deprivations) the physically healthier Two will inevitably feel held back by the needier partner. Or both Twos could deteriorate into a sickbed centered relationship in which their illnesses and their complaints about them are what hold the couple together. They may both develop boundary problems and get overly enmeshed with each other—or, just as likely, become repulsed by the other's hovering. The worse this gets, ironically, the more isolated and lonely they become. Depression and blaming the other are often part of the picture.

Enneagram Type Two (the Helper)
with
Enneagram Type Three (the Achiever)

What Each Type Brings to the Relationship
Both Enneagram Twos and Threes are driven by their feelings and emotional needs-although this is not always apparent in the case of Threes. Both are also driven by their need for attention and the desire to be loved-although this is not always apparent in the case of Twos. But for these reasons, both are oriented toward people and toward activities that will place them in the spotlight. This makes the Two/Three couple one of the most interpersonally attractive and impactful pairings possible. Individually and collectively, they are outgoing, sociable, high-spirited, charming, and often physically attractive. Both know how to make a favorable impression on people and to win them over. Each type brings energy, personal and social ambition, the ability to communicate with people and to make others feel like they are the center of attention. Both know how to get people to like them and to rally support to achieve their goals. Twos in particular bring a more personal, individual focus to their interactions with others. They are thoughtful and follow up exchanges with genuine kindness and compassion. Threes bring flexibility, charm, practicality, and a goal-oriented vision for ways the couple can improve. Twos like to feel proud of their loved ones, and Threes want to make their partner proud.

There is also a particular way that this pairing works as a team: Twos like to put the spotlight on others, and Threes like to be in the spotlight. Twos like to be the power behind the throne, and Threes can be happy being the point person for the couple. As long as healthy Threes appreciate the lavish attention of the Two, this arrangement can work well. In a sense, this is almost an ideal political couple—socially adept, energetic, virtually radiating charm and self-confidence, inviting others (by their manner and attractiveness) to join them in some way. Twos and Threes can be dazzling—a couple so widely admired and socially gifted that they become icons for their social sphere and time.

Part of the problem is that both have underlying feelings of shame and vulnerability and they know each other's weak spots and can play on them when they have to. Furthermore, potential conflicts can arise because neither Twos nor Threes are particularly introspective nor are they very interested in their own underlying motives. They simply assume that they are traveling in the same direction—toward increasing success and social validation-only to realize that they have drifted apart and may actually be at loggerheads with each other. Twos fundamentally feel that Threes put work and career before them, their children and home life, primary values for Twos. They feel that Threes are too focused on success and that they are missing the really valuable things in life. Threes, on the other hand, can feel stifled by the Two's insistence on the need to spend time together. Threes feel Twos are smothering and emotionally manipulative, making them feel guilty for working hard and making the most of themselves. Intimacy deteriorates into bickering, and what it means to have a successful relationship becomes a real question. Disdain for each other can erupt into open hostilities.

Enneagram Type Two (the Helper)
with
Enneagram Type Four (the Individualist)

What Each Type Brings to the Relationship
This can be a very warm, even passionate, couple when both parties continue to share their feelings openly together. Both are seeking warmth and connection, and both are willing to provide it when they are healthy. Hence, once they have gotten over the initial hurdles of intimacy, Enneagram Twos and Fours can be a safe place for each to share their hopes, fears, and insecurities. They can be good medicine for each other: Twos contribute sociability and energy, giving Fours the confidence to interact more easily with others. Twos are warm, outgoing, thoughtful and considerate, generous, and encouraging. Twos are also practical and action-oriented, willing to pitch in where needed and to do the things that need to be done, no matter how unpleasant or unglamorous.

To this mix, Fours bring creativity, a sense of humor, a willingness to laugh at human foibles, and emotional honesty. They see their own craziness and their own falseness and they do not try to varnish the truth of their quirks from themselves or from the Two. Fours also bring a sense of beauty and of subtlety into the relationship: they care about how things impact on themselves and others, and so they go out of their way to arrange their world to be more aesthetically pleasing, allowing the Two to feel more relaxed and nurtured. Fours also bring emotional depth and sensitivity to their relationships, a sense of mystery and unpredictability, sensuality and sexual freedom. In short, Fours invite Twos to take a closer look at their deeper needs, the truth of who they are and what they actually feel. Twos appreciate the subtleties and nuances that Fours bring, and Fours thrive in this atmosphere of appreciation. They can lighten up each other with unexpected humor and appreciation of each others' quirks. Each invites the other to mature emotionally, usually without saying so. Both help the other to stop being so concerned about what others think of them and to become more inner-directed.

Moreover, Twos tend to find Fours too moody and temperamental, led too much by their feelings and unconscious impulses. They also see Fours as hypersensitive and self-absorbed—and not interested enough in others or their welfare. Fours tend to find Twos to be too saccharine and artificially upbeat, flattering and insincere to get close to people and to feel needed. Fours see Twos as secretly emotionally needy, desperate for others to like them and seek them out. They can see the Two's helpfulness as little more than an attempt to bribe people for love, which Fours disdain. Fours might begin to be secretly envious of the Twos social abilities and the kinds of positive reactions Twos generally get from people. Fours can begin to feel socially inept and overshadowed by the charm and popularity of Twos. Secret shame and the feeling of worthlessness of the part of both can begin to undermine the relationship. It can founder on Fours' feelings of abandonment if the Two becomes involved with others. It can also founder on Twos' increasingly feeling unappreciated by the Four. Both begin to see the other as too emotionally needy—and ultimately as more demanding than each wishes to put effort into.

Enneagram Type Two (the Helper)
with
Enneagram Type Five (the Investigator)

What Each Type Brings to the Relationship
Enneagram Twos and Fives are double opposites, as it were—a people person versus a loner, a feeling type with a thinking type. Twos and Fives come from different points of view on what is important in life and in a relationship. And yet, because they are so different, there can also be an intense attraction to the mystery of the other. Twos and Fives are a more common pairing than might be expected: Twos can see Fives as challenges—distant, mentally preoccupied, not giving many outward signals, and difficult to charm easily because they are so private. It is hard to know what pleases Fives which makes Twos only try harder. Twos bring to the relationship a willingness to take the initiative and to pursue the Five—to be the first one to call or to ask for a date, no matter which gender they are. When healthy, Twos bring warmth, physical comfort and ease (something Fives typically lack), a desire to improve the Five's living conditions, style of dress and eating habits—and many other marks of thoughtfulness-as signs of affection and genuine interest. Fives are usually not unaware of these, though they may not outwardly react to the expressions of affection of Twos, Fives are secretly pleased that anyone cares and is being attentive to them.

For their part, Fives are usually very loyal: they find relationships complex and difficult, so they tend to value one that begins to work, and they tend to put energy into it. Fives bring stability and quiet, dispassionate good judgment and objectivity, particularly in crises. When Fives focus, they are good listeners and give undivided attention. They are not as attached to outcomes, and so can often make decisions more wisely and be good advisors to more emotionally volatile Twos. Fives are often more calm than Twos, and this gives them both types a feeling of steadiness and of hope. In short, Fives stabilize Twos' emotionality, while Twos warm up Fives' coolness. Twos enjoy seeing that their attention and affections have had positive, visible effects on the Five. Fives secretly like being doted over and finally finding the nurturing they have unconsciously been seeking (but may have almost given up on).

But the more intrusive Twos become, the more Fives internally withdraw and detach emotionally from what feels like a threat to their autonomy and competence. Fives start to lose confidence in themselves and are actually harmed by being overly helped. Lower functioning Twos, however, feel that they have no value unless they are actively involved in every aspect of the other's life. But the more they feel intruded on, the more unsafe Fives begin to feel, and they may start to fear the Two (because they seem irrational and out of control to the Five). Fives can also become cynical about the value and viability of relationships—and cynical about the possibility of finding one that works for them. Fives tend to walk away from the entire question, losing interest in having an intimate relationship often for years at a time. But the more distance Fives put between themselves and Twos, the more this brings out the Two's obsessions and the more aggressive they become in their pursuit of the Five. It is a prescription for disaster, or at least loneliness, for both.

Enneagram Type Two (the Helper)
with
Enneagram Type Six (the Loyalist)

What Each Type Brings to the Relationship
Both Enneagram Twos and Sixes are highly dutiful and take their responsibilities toward each other very seriously. The emphasis tends to be slightly different, however, with Twos focused primarily on building intimacy and positive feelings between themselves and other individuals, whereas the emphasis of Sixes tends to be on building a foundation of security, a sturdy platform of hard work and trust that everyone can count on. Both types are highly responsible and tend to put the needs of others before their own. They are both family oriented and foster domesticity; they easily share duties around the house and with their children or friends. They are both socially involved in their community and see great value in having many social connections which give them the feeling that they are valued in their world. Sixes value the warmth, kindheartedness, generosity, and self-sacrifice of the Two. Sixes are aware of how well suited Twos are to be an excellent, devoted spouse and parent, and that they could be trusted to be loyal.

On the other hand, Twos will likely admire the hard work, steadfastness to commitments, perseverance, modesty and playfulness of Sixes. Even if they should sometimes be grumpy and indecisive, Twos realize that healthy Sixes almost always come around in the end. Caution and vigilance are recognized as worthwhile assets in what can be a cruel and exploitative world. Twos often feel that they can count on the Six's watchfulness to spot difficulties before they become problems. When Twos and Sixes are healthy, they may actually admire each other more than they feel a grand passion for each other. Their relationship may be based more on steadiness, mutual respect, and affection than on some kind of overheated chemistry between them. They see the other as good and dependable, and that is often more than enough as a basis for an enduring and productive life together.

However, Sixes usually perceive the Two's help as intrusiveness and undermining of their self-confidence, and they resent it. Cycles of anxiety and acting out, followed by tearful reunions, followed by needing to be more autonomous on the Six's part, followed by more intrusion on the Two's part, can wear this relationship down. The problem is that lower functioning Twos think there is no such thing as too much intimacy since they always want to be closer. However, Sixes are more ambivalent, pushing the Two away and then pulling them closer. The Six's ambivalence and inconsistency drives the Two crazy and taps into their fears of rejection. Twos will up the ante by trying to help the Six more, although Sixes experience their help as control, and they seek more distance. This pair can become enmeshed in a bad child, punishing parent drama that can ultimately be fatal to their relationship and the real mutual respect that it was potentially founded on.

Enneagram Type Two (the Helper)
with
Enneagram Type Seven (the Enthusiast)

What Each Type Brings to the Relationship
In many ways, both of these types can look alike. Both Enneagram Twos and Sevens can be outgoing, friendly, funny, high-energy people and very enjoyable company. They want others to be happy and to have a good time, and both types tend to interpret things (including setbacks) in a positive way—always looking for the silver lining or the blessing in a seeming disaster. Both types are engaging, spontaneous, and love the good things of life. In addition, Twos bring a depth of feeling and concern for the welfare of others into the mix. Twos admire the nerve and gusto with which Sevens plunge ahead in life, making everyday an unpredictable adventure. Sevens bring high energy, and a quick mind that sees possibilities and generates ideas faster than they can be acted on. There is a kind of mental electricity and excitement that Sevens generate—the aura of sheer possibility that Twos find intoxicating, not only for themselves but for those they want to share their excitement with. The Seven helps the Two to remember to do nice things for themselves on a regular basis. They remind Twos that if they are not taking care of their own health and fulfillment, they will not really be able to be helpful to others. On the other hand, healthy Sevens feel that their emotional and physical needs are largely met by a healthy Two. The Two helps the Seven feel relaxed and fulfilled, reducing the temptation to wander.

Further, both Twos and Sevens are idealistic, but Twos can more easily and consistently translate this impulse into altruistic action. This inspires the Seven who also enjoys sharing their abundance with others. Together, they can be remarkably generous and thoughtful as a couple. The Two and Seven combination can have a positive effect on people that is virtually unmatched by any other couple: they can be warm, welcoming and generous, making others feel loved and invited to the party.

Further, Sevens need to be the center of attention as a way of staying energized and excited. Other people and their needs are not really the focus of their concern as much as they are an audience of potential playmates-if others can keep up with them and their fast pace. While making the Seven the center of attention generally suits Twos well for a while, Twos eventually begin to unconsciously feel used. They will either withhold their attention and affection, or start to compensate in other ways, such as by overeating or having real or imagined health problems as a way of forcing the Seven to pay attention to their needs. A stalemate occurs, and punctuated by conflicts, battles, and loud scenes.

Enneagram Type Two (the Helper)
with
Enneagram Type Eight (the Challenger)

What Each Type Brings to the Relationship
These two types are more alike than they might appear to be at first. Both are action-oriented and want to have a personal impact on their environment. Both can be sentimental and deeply feeling, with a soft side that is often more hidden than apparent. Both can play the roles of provider, protector, caretaker, and nurturer while avoiding or even denying their own needs. Both tend to overwork themselves and both tend to be the strong one in relationships (although Twos will tend to do so as the power behind the throne while Eights will tend to clearly be on the throne). Both types bring passion, vitality, interpersonal and social skills, magnanimity, and generosity. The basic emphasis of both types is distinctly different, however, with Twos being primarily interested in the welfare of others while Eights tend to be interested in their physical wellbeing and in having a distinct impact on their world, often with beneficial fallout for others.

They easily play roles that the other needs and wants: the Eight is practical and concerned with results, whereas Twos are more people-oriented and more openly altruistic. They are both strong willed and like taking on responsibility, as long as they choose it themselves. Eights often bask in the glow of the Two's affection and adoration: Twos truly appreciate the Eight's strength and efforts—and see their often hidden self-sacrifice. Both see each other's noble qualities and can be each other's staunchest supporters and admirers. Their roles are also clearly delineated, so they do not get in each other's way. Each runs different spheres of their lives and cover different bases (one plays the symbolic Mommy the other the symbolic Daddy and things are clear and balanced). These qualities make this couple powerful allies who complement each other's strengths, particularly the good effects they can have on others.

Both types tend to move in opposite directions and have increasingly opposing views about how to treat other people. Eights become more hard-hearted and confrontational, while Twos become more possessive and self-sacrificial. Between themselves, they can get into battles with each other about whose philosophy will prevail. Rather than feel rejected or lose a key relationship, however, Twos can get caught in a codependent relationship with the Eight. The Two can become an apologist for the Eight's bad behavior, enabling them and thus encouraging Eights to continue with anti-social or self-destructive habits. Thus, this couple might not break up as quickly as some other pairings would, although they can drag each other down without seeing their mutual trap. Ultimately, Eights can lose respect for Twos, finding them insincere and manipulative, while Twos lose respect for Eights thinking them to be cruel and domineering. Both can become coarser and more controlling if this continues, with overtones of stalking and paranoia, fears of betrayal and acts of revenge.

Enneagram Type Two (the Helper)
with
Enneagram Type Nine (the Peacemaker)

What Each Type Brings to the Relationship
Enneagram Twos and Nines are similar in a wide variety of areas and reactions; both types are interested in nurturing others and in helping people to be better, more comfortable with themselves, and more at peace. Both types also tend to be optimistic and to reframe disappointments in the most positive way possible. This pairing has an outstanding warm, kindly, and good-natured quality about it that each side reinforces. Twos and Nines are easy-going, hospitable, and undemanding, happy to make friends happy and to welcome them into their home. Twos bring to the pair a more outward and interpersonally engaging energy: they would most likely be the first to introduce themselves at a party or to go to someone's aid and comfort if they perceived that the other person had some kind of problem. Twos are proud of their relationship, their home, their family and their friends—and they want to share them with others. Twos constantly add energy and new people to the relationship mix. They are more talkative than Nines and more openly curious about other people, how they live and what they are like, and more eager to get involved in others' lives.

On the other hand, Nines bring a quiet steadiness and uncomplicated directness that allows people to flourish and things to get done with a minimum of stress and conflict. Even if Twos become upset about their relationships, or are feeling moments of self-doubt about how loved they are, Nines have a way of calming them down and of providing a great deal of unquestioned acceptance. Both types are drawn to each other to provide soothing and support; their home and hearth, pets and love of nature are extremely important to them. Both go out of their way to be considerate of each other, as well as of other people. Much of their best communication is non-verbal, physical, arising from their simple, direct presence to each other. They can develop almost a psychic link with each other. This is a very mellow couple, whose emphasis on hospitality reminds people of how healing it is to be around loving, generous people.

Further, neither finds it easy to talk about their feelings or their growing discontent with the power balance in the relationship, or with any other sources of resentment and potential conflicts that they may have. Twos tend to actually take over too much, becoming domineering and controlling, not hesitating to boss the Nine around and to speak with surprising harshness to him or her. But because Twos can rationalize their motives and see themselves only as all loving, they can continue without feeling guilty or embarrassed.

Nines find it difficult to find their own voice and to speak up for themselves. But when the Nine actually does speak up, the Two often takes this as a lack of gratitude and tries to turn the Nine's comments around on them. Twos are not good at taking criticism, and when Nines find the courage to speak up, they may go overboard with a load of old resentments that have pilled up. The result is that Nines withdraw into silence and become passive-aggressive as a way of dealing with their anger, while Twos feel unappreciated, misunderstood, and rejected. Both try to keep everything quiet and normal on the surface, although they begin to deteriorate into longer silences with each other-and more distance, including less physical contact. An air of tension takes over, punctuated by angry outbursts and recriminations. The couple that seems so unassuming and supportive tends to end through attrition and drifting apart. Nobody wants to talk about what has really happened, no body wants to take responsibility for the deterioration of the relationship, and things eventually simply fall apart.